Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
