I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
