tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
