Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
