Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
