Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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