She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
