If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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