And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
