I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I have post one night stand depression
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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