Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
