I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
