i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
