I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
