Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
