Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
