Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
