Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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