Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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