i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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