the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
