Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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