If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
