Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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