So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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