Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
