i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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