You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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