Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
