i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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