are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
