he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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