We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
