Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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