I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
