brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
please come you make the beer taste better
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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