and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
