So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
