dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
