It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
