I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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