Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
