shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
