I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
3pm strippers are depressing
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
