That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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