this will be a night to untag.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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