I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
