OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
