when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We got so high we made milksteak
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
