My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
