dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
