Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
