so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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