We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
