How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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