Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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