he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
