Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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