Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
