Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
