Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
