i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
