i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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