Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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