things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
