and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
