I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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