I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
3 2 1 whiskey
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
