watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
