Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
